I chose to start a blog as my counsellor had recommended to me to write a daily journal. I thought about buying some nice new fancy stationery to do it with it, but that was where it ended. I didn’t see myself sitting each morning at a set time and writing my thoughts and feelings down in my nice new over priced paperchase stationary for anything more than a week. My mornings usually consist of a 5.15 alarm, plastering on the make-up to cover up the latest break out, trying to get dressed while fighting the endless battle of getting my 7 year old up for school, who each morning sticks her head up from the bed looking like Worzel Gummidge while grunting at me and just trying to get out the door looking like something other than how I feel. I didn’t see the tranquility of writing a daily journal in a serene room while drinking a herbal tea in my future.
I did however see the benefit of writing down your thoughts, which is funny because a year ago I would have laughed at that prospect, but I have since found the feeling of release in writing down how you are feeling. It’s almost as if once it leaves your body via a pen to paper a part of the darkness flows through your veins and leaves your mind as ink. Then I randomly thought of blogging. While on holiday in the summer of 2019 I had started an annoymous facebook page about mental health while struggling to come to terms with the grip anxiety had on me. It was short lived. I think it was one of those ideas you have while laying on a sun bed drinking your 11am cocktail, because you’re on holiday and there are no rules! By the time I finished my holiday I had pretty much finished with the facebook page. In reflection I don’t think I was ready to share my story. My anxiety had been recently diagnosed and I think I was so overcome with these new experiences that I was just trying anything to cope with them.
Now blogging was making a return to my mind! I thought this would be an outlet that I could have for my thoughts, but in a less routined fashion of a daily journal, a way to document, share and release my thoughts. I want someone else to be able to read this and find some comfort in something similar they may be going through. That is one of the things I find most comfort in, just listening or reading about someone else going through something similar and just being brutally honest. I don’t want to constantly read about the joys of mindfulness or how just going on a walk can solve all your problems! Because it doesn’t! I want to hear about the heart wrenching dark thoughts that drive you to try mindfulness. I want to hear the good, but I also want the raw. So that’s where I am. Hoping I’m beginning a blog to help me and someone else. To bare my soul and share the highs and lows of my current battle with the demon that is mental health.