I was diagnosed with anxiety in May 2019. I had always been someone that was nervous in crowds but this feeling began intensifying. I became more and more anxious in crowds, began panicking, feeling sick and having an overwhelming feeling of needing to escape.
I stopped taking my normal route of public transport to work as being squashed flat between the door and someone else’s armpit sent me spiralling from worry to panic to tears. So I took the longer route, not easy for someone who likes to be early everywhere and panics about being late but I felt this was the only option. I was constantly angry and wondering how I had got to this stage.
Children’s birthday parties – For me as someone who loved a list and a plan this should have been plain sailing. May 2019 had something different in store for me though. I stood in a supermarket armed with my lists to help me pull off my daughter’s themed birthday party and all of a sudden everything changed. I burst in to tears in the middle of the aisle and nearly vomitted on the floor. Everything felt overwhelming. The list of food, the list of decorations, the last of party pieces all became a huge mountain. I stood with my tear stained lists in the middle of Sainsburys in utter shock and despair. What was happening to me?
I booked an appointment with my doctor soon after this and was left gobsmacked when he diagnosed me with anxiety and depression. He talked though the symptoms and I protested that I wasn’t depressed and he agreed that my main issue was anxiety but he concluded that was causing me some depression as they can often go hand in hand. I had walked in the room looking for an answer, assuming it was probably some annoying hormonal type issue and left with a packet of anti-depressants and and uplift service number in my hand. My life was taking a new course.