When I was first diagnosed I was given Citalopram. I fought against being put on anti-depressants as I didn’t feel depressed but the doctor explained these would aid my anxiety. The reasoning quickly faded into the background as the medical jargon was spilling from his mouth as I was still fixated on the words anti-depressants. After fighting them and multiple reviews I ended up on the top dosage as the others didn’t have the right amount of effect.
For something that is supposed to make you not feel depressed its amazing how soul sucking I found them. I very quickly just became numb. I was void of any extreme feeling whether it be angry or happy. Everything just felt so numb and non-descript. It felt like I was empty. I wasn’t the same person anymore.
This was stage 1 of re-writing Laura.
I have always had a fiery streak, it doesn’t come out often but if I’m hangry and you cross me it’s coming out! Not after Citalopram though, that was too much passion for me to sum up. The new version of Laura was calmer, which was nice but also devoid of personality. I was just beige. Don’t get me wrong I’ve never been the life and soul of the party but any spark I did have was out.
Before last Christmas my medication was changed. This was a joint decision between me and a doctor and I was welcoming it. I am now on Sertraline. So far so good. I am in no way fixed! But I definitely don’t feel as numb as before and am also not on the highest dose of this one. I’ve read a lot of good and bad things about both medications. It is obviously a case of which one suits you best but for me the change of medication has been a blessing. I would encourage discussing different types of medication with your doctor if you are experiencing anything similar.